


Protecting the written work of a Creator

by Rogercat



Category: The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Birthday Party, Gen, No Mary-Sues wanted!, Post-Canon, Some Humor, Unusal allies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 12:44:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5627110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogercat/pseuds/Rogercat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It is a special day in Arda, and the canon characters will do anything to ensure that a special Guest of Honor is not bothered by unwanted Mary-Sues!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Protecting the written work of a Creator

**Author's Note:**

> Written in honor of J.R.R Tolkien's birthday, 3rd January 2016. I am only borrowing the characters for this

Things were reasonably well in Arda. One could have mistaken it as any normal day in midwinter, execpt that it was not. This day was a very special day in Arda, for both the Free Peoples of Middle-earth and the Dark Forces, odd as that might be for a reader of their world.  

“Mister Baggins, is everything ready for the feast in the Shire?”

Thorin Oakenshield, King under the Mountain, was looking up behind a rock without looking at the Hobbit behind him, dressed in full battle armour as if he was about to go out in battle. Well, in a sense, he would do exactly that.

“Oh yes, Thorin. Only the special Guest of Honor himself who is missing…and are you _really sure_ that you others can fix this threat and still be in time for the feast?” asked Bilbo Baggins as he fussed with the buttons on his best waistcoat, not an easy task with gloves on your hands. The Dwarven King snorted, looking at his old burglar for a moment as if Bilbo suddenly had transformed into an Elf.  

“If we do not, then how do you Hobbits plan to get rid of those unnatural pests? Throwing stones and snowballs at them? Chase them away with your agricultural implements? Sending Gollum at them by suggesting that one of them has that Ring?”

Seeing Thorin's point, Bilbo did not ask for more. Instead he hurried back to help the other Hobbits with the feast.

 

~X~X~X~X~X~X

 

As it were, the Men and Elves were already fighting against their foes at the border to the Shire, as the land of the Hobbits had been chosen for the feast because of how similar it had been to the home of the Guest of Honor. Their enemies were not orcs, nor other beings of Evil. No, this was something far, far worse; a enemy that had started to show up in Middle-earth after the year 2001 in the Outside World, as the People of Middle-earth called it; Mary-Sues. Inhuman creatures who tried to ruin the stories the Creator had written by their mere presence.

“As grateful as we all are to Peter Jackson for bringing more attention to the works of our Creator, I am also afraid that he caused something that he did not know about at the time,” commented Legolas, the Prince of Mirkwood, as he shot down several Mary-Sues with his arrows. While he did not complain over the movie actor chosen for him, he still felt that they had gotten a couple of things wrong. It was not like he had asked to become the Lust Object number 1 of Arda for all these love-crazy fangirls.

“Fair point, Mister Elf.”

Legolas gracefully swept around in a circle like a cat, allowing his Dwarven friend Gimli to have his share of enemies killed as well. One thing that the unusual duo really could agree on, alongside poor Frodo and Sam, was the big pain of being misread as lovers. Really, did not people teach their children any manners anymore in the Outside World? Being male friends did not mean that they were lovers, oh no! The Creator had not belonged to that sort of religion, not at all. They did not doubt that he often rolled over in his grave in despair over how often people changed his characters into so called “star-crossed” lovers in their own stories based on his works.

“ _Incoming enemies at the south!_ ” someone called over the minor chaos, raising a banner to show where the new Mary-Sues came from.

“To think that the Valar allows the House of Fëanor to help in this…” muttered Thranduil for himself as he made his army from Mirkwood ready for the new attack. But this was not the right time to complain about the past, they needed to deal with this common enemy right now.

“I think one of them is trying some nonsense about a new Ring of Power.”

“Again?” whispered Celebrimbor in a tired voice that did not really hide the fact that he felt horribly insulted. And who could really blame the only grandson of Fëanor for that kind of reaction when he had been the one to make the Three? That was a very old, and horribly worn out attempt to explain a Mary-Sue being special in the eyes of her own creator. So no one was truly surprised when Sauron showed up in a ring of real fire, looking really pissed of over that once again, the Mary-Sue creator had tried to mimic him. Which was something that the Fallen Maia really could not stand, and he therefore started to attack the Mary-Sues as he spoke in the Black Speech:  

_Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,_

_Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,_

_Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,_

_One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne_

_In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie._

_One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,_

_One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them_

_In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie_

“Someone here is really feeling insulted. I do not think he has thrown a such tantrum on a Mary-Sue since he first learned what some people thinks his real relationship to Morgoth was.”  

Finally, the Mary-Sues were all killed. It had been a long and hard battle, but luckily the day was still not over yet. They could still get to the Feast in time before the Hobbits ate all the food. Sauron chose to have his armies stand guard around the Shire against any new attacks from the Mary-Sues; he was not foolish enough to ruin the Creator's own birthday. He might be a Dark Lord, but even he had some respect for the Creator Himself. Rather like a petulant child who, underneath all of his tantrums and blustering, really loves his Father.

“Come on, we need to fresh up before getting to the party, we can't exactly arrive straight from a battle on a event like this.”

Aragorn's word was made pretty literal when Thorin, in good humour, used the golden opportunity to throw a bucket of water on Thranduil to get rid of the blood from the Mary-Sues that covered the Elven King.

“What? The Mannish lad has a point about all of us needing to freshen up,” Thorin explained when Thranduil gave him a furious glare that promised a payback later.

“Uuuuuncle Thorin! It is time!”

“Get that blood off yourself, uncle Thorin, the escort mission will start soon! Hurry or we will be late!”

Thankfully, Thorin's sister-sons Fili and Kili arrived just in time to stop the two Kings from doing something stupid against each other. Getting some help to clean off the blood from his armour, Thorin then followed after his two nephews. The non-Hobbit members from the Fellowship of the Ring also hurried away after Thorin, as they had a part of the mission as well.

 

~X~X~X~X~X~X

 

In the Shire, the battle against the Mary-Sues had gone without any notice, apart from being a strange noise from far away that the Hobbits covered with a lot of music and dancing.

_Roads go ever ever on,_

_Over rock and under tree,_

_By caves where never sun has shone,_

_By streams that never find the sea;_

_Over snow by winter sown,_

_And through the merry flowers of June,_

_Over grass and over stone,_

_And under mountains in the moon._

_Roads go ever ever on_

_Under cloud and under star,_

_Yet feet that wandering have gone_

_Turn at last to home afar._

_Eyes that fire and sword have seen_

_And horror in the halls of stone_

_Look at last on meadows green_

_And trees and hills they long have known_

Although to the fair, that was mostly because of the defenders' skilled and faithful protection of their Creator. No Mary-Sue was allowed to come close to him, not for as long as his characters would be there to defend him.

“Don't eat all of the food, it is for the other guests as well.”

“The Big Folk are really coming here?”

Luckily, there was to be more than enough food. Ladies and maidens from all the other Free peoples was helping around with fixing the last things. Soon enough, the defenders arrived too, dressed for feast in thick outdoor robes against the winter cold rather than for battle.

“The Fellowship of the Ring alongside Thorin and Company is escorting the Creator, they should not be too far away now.”

Some Elven youths, who had been tasked with keeping watch after the Gust of Honor, could now see a set of horses and ponies in front of and behind a horse-drawn carriage that Gandalf was driving.

“They are coming! He is here, the Creator is here!”

In the middle of everyone trying to set up a welcoming mood and not knock over anything because of differences in height or such, there was a set of children from all four races that sneaked away with some fireworks. While the idea of setting off a firework was part of the feast, the timing was not the right one as it still was in the middle of day.

“Watch out, good people!”

Thankfully, no one was hurt by the firework, outside the understandable shock and minor anger that one of the fireworks had been set off by someone a little too early.

“Eldarion, you and your accomplices shall be punished later after the feast,” promised Arwen as she dragged away her protesting son by the ear, an act mirrored by the other parents. By now, the many riders and the carriage had arrived to the big meadow where everyone had gathered.

“Happy 123rd Birthday, Professor!”

You see, it was the 3rd of January, which was the birthday of the Creator of Arda, the Man, Professor John Ronald Reuel Tolkien.

 

**Author's Note:**

> No Mary-Sues were harmed during the creation of this (just joking, ha, ha!). Because of the strange thing going on at FFN where you can’t read any new reviews, feel welcome to post reviews both here on FFN and on AO3, so I at least can answer on reviews somewhere


End file.
